Thursday, January 29, 2015

Still Parky, Still Optimistic

Hello again, Dear Readers.
I dropped out of the blogosphere a year ago and retreated into a darker, smaller place that I did not want to write about. And yet, looking back over the year of 2014, I realize it was a year of personal growth, understanding and acceptance. Wonderful and wondrous things happened in my life and in the lives of my family and friends in 2014.  Why be so glum?

Simple. I crossed the point where P.D. was a  nuisance, and  future disability.  P.D., until then,  was more concept than reality. I've now gone  to a place where P.D. has gained the  power to make decisions for me.  Mordred (see post January 21, 2013)  is my constant companion and I lost the will to do battle with him. I put a wheel chair on the first and second floors of my house and I use them.  Ditto the walker. ( A jazzy, sports car red, shock corded folding beauty that I found at the Goodwill. I find everything at the Goodwill.)

And yet, LIFE GOES ON! I'm still expected to pull my share of the load. I'm  still expected to be parent, son, husband, friend.  I'm sick, and people are blind fools. Why won't they  LEAVE ME ALONE!

And why should they. They are selfish and it is not in their best interest   Despite my heroic  efforts to give up, be sick, fade away, I can't. There is just too much love in this world. It swirls around like dust devils, seeping under the door jambs of my hidey hovels and chase me into the alleys where I try to disappear. So now after a year, I must re-access. Self pity is a lot of work, and I am tired. I  surrender to loves force.

Love does not always heal, but it does sustain.  So today, I will  get up and do the next thing. What ever that is. Tomorrow I'll do the next , next thing. And so on until I do the last thing. And, mercifully,  I'll never know it was the last thing.